


The Birth Of AssMaster

by Le_purple



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Chaos, Comedy, Dialogue Heavy, Experimentation, F/F, Funny, Furbies, Gen, Stupidity, This Is STUPID, Uncanny Valley, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 08:40:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21268184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Le_purple/pseuds/Le_purple
Summary: Jade, Roxy and Dirk make an oddbody furby.





	The Birth Of AssMaster

"Jade, do you have AssMaster's skin?" Dirk asked, putting down his tiny screwdriver.

"Yes! Never say that again please!" Jade replied. Dirk and Roxy moved aside to let Jade slide on the sock of skin, patched together from the skins of wizard bear plushies, smuppets, and humanimal toys.

"Careful stuffing it babe, I don't want our kid to be all lumpy and deformed. We already have Dave and Rose for that." Roxy joked, eagerly watching her girlfriend, patting and squeezing the stuffing.

"Hey those are your genes not mine" Dirk said "And Roxy, this thing is literally the most hideous creature I have ever set my eyes on, this is what the horrorterrors look like, fucking cuck'thulu up in here."

"Don't listen to him AssMaster, you're bootiful!" Roxy started kissing the furby's face.

"Roxy-Rox-Roxy stop kissing our unborn child!" Jade batted Roxy's face, laughing as she pushed her away.

"Yeah, come on Roxy, you don't wanna commit fetus defeatus."

"Boo. That joke sucks!"

"Hey Roxy, is our child too lumpy and deformed?" Jade asked, holding up the oddbody, the cable tethering it to Roxy's computer tapping against the table.

"Just the right amount of lumpy and deformed. Lemme just finish uploading our child's brain." Roxy focused on her computer screen, tapping the keys a few times and clicking her mouse.

Jade yelped loudly, backing into Dirk as AssMaster's eyes snapped open.

'I am born.' AssMaster blared, little plastic mouth opening and snapping shut. Roxy unplugged AssMaster, huffing a little at the weight as she set the furby on the floor.

AssMaster's exoskeleton was visible for its face, the inner workings entirely exposed. The sheath of mismatched fur snaked down between 6 insect like legs (made from the limbs of Barbie dolls), the long body curling over its head like a scorpions tail, two apposable mannequin arms keeping it stable on the ground.

"Oh my god." Roxy said, staring down at their creation. "My baby! Looket youuuu! Baby! Baby boy!"

"We did it. I can't believe we did it. We actually managed to scoop this this thing up from the depths of the uncanny valley. We mined this shit out from the metaphorical rock like it was a fucking quarry." Dirk muttered.

"Looking at AssMaster makes me feel...cold."

"You guys are terrible parents! Don't you wanna say hi to our kid?" Roxy picked up AssMaster, the furby blinking rapidly and flailing all of its appendages, tail swinging back and forth.

'Mmmother, Father! I am alive.'

"Not if I have anything to say about it." Jade said, pulling out her rifle and aiming at AssMaster. AssMaster grabbed Jade's rifle with the mannequin arms and bopped Roxy on the head with it, the girl dropping AssMaster in shock. The furby scuttled off with the rifle, climbing onto the desk and into a vent, the sound of its plastic legs rattling out in the room.

"Welp, see you guys in an hour. If I don't come back, assume AssMaster got me." Dirk said, pulling out his swords before running out of the room.

"Come here you abominable Frankenstein's monster piece of shit!"

'You'll never find me, father!'


End file.
